Most of the time when I'm bored at work, I find myself surfing the internet. I'm usually reading about one of two topics. EMS or baby loss. While sometimes it is totally depressing to make myself think about things, other times it is also therapeutic. I don't think I know anybody in my personal life that truly understands where I'm at right now. The fact that I really have nobody that "gets it" leads to a lot of small meltdowns. But on the internet... I fit in. I'm sadly welcomed in. There are stories similar to mine and some far more heartbreaking. But they know my words. They speak them even before I do. It's a horrible bond, but a comforting one. I know some of them read here, and I read there, and I'm so very thankful for them.

One site, faces of loss, shows such normal women and shares their stories. Some are so incredibly close to mine. Another shares stories just through words. I found words tonight from an unnamed mother that are so incredibly dead-on for me that I need to post it here so I don't lose it. I don't see it as profound or sentimental as some seem to be, this one is just real. These are the words I can't find to explain to people. These are almost the exact words I said to my Gavin the night before he died, when I had to tell him that everything would be okay and I accepted why he needed to leave me. 

I told her how sorry I was and that I loved her and did not want her to suffer. I would rather suffer every day for the rest of my life than to allow her to suffer one moment in her life.
~Mom of an Angel

I'll take pain and suffering a million times over when it means that he doesn't have to. 

~K