Think.

"Giving birth may be all intense and magical, and stuff, but the act itself? It’s not exactly pleasant. But it’s also a beginning, of something incredible. Something new. Something unpredictable. Something true. Something worth loving. Something worth missing. Something that will change your life… forever."

"You haven’t slept in years. You spend every day around people in massive crisis. You lose your ability to judge what’s normal… in yourself, or anyone else. And yet people are constantly asking you to tell them how they’re doing. How the hell are you supposed to know? You don’t even know how you’re doing. Don’t wonder why people go crazy. Wonder why they don’t. In the face of all we can lose in a day… in an instant… wonder what the hell it is that makes us hold it together."

"That knowing, is better than wondering. That waking, is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst, most intractable mistake, beats the hell out of never trying."

""I had a terrible day." We say it all the time. A fight with the boss, the stomach flu, traffic... That's what we describe as terrible when nothing terrible is happening..."

Today, I'm sad and frustrated and filled with a million annoying emotions that I would rather not have. 

I'm so sick of facebook.

I'm sick of reading the posts about how it is the worst thing in the world to leave your child at daycare for 8 hours. "A mama shouldn't have to be away from her baby for 8 hours!" "It's so awful" "I gave birth to him, I should get him all the time" *Smash head into wall*

There are a million mamas that would KILL for their kid to only be away at daycare for 8 hours. It's so awful? 7 months. I've been away from my baby for 7 months. That's just the beginning. 

I'm sick of reading how people are having the WORST DAY EVER because they lost their keys, or were late for something, or got yelled at or some other stupid little crap that does not matter and surely does not equal a WORST DAY EVER. 

I get it. They're obviously exaggerating.  

I'm not exaggerating. 

I'm not saying people shouldn't feel the ways they do, but I'm saying they should think before they speak. And no, I'm not simply being selfish. I'm trying to survive. What doesn't kill you does not make you stronger... it makes you dead inside. It makes you so fragile and easily breakable and I am SO sick of crying over other people's stupidity and ignorance. Think before you speak. That's all I'm asking. Think of someone other than yourself, and for the love of all things holy, if you say "it's a two way street" or "when will you be back to yourself" or anything other than I'm sorry- I'm done, no matter who you are, and I get to have that choice. I do everything I can to keep myself above water, and your stupid statuses about how hard life is are just killing me. I LOVE seeing my friends babies, I LOVE sharing their happiness with them, but I cannot keep spending all of my energy loving on other people when they can't take two seconds to think of me or the million other people who are without their babies or are facing their absolute worst days and worst nightmares. Lost your keys? Wow... do you remember my son, Gavin? I lost him. Keys can be made. Sorry you're having a hard day, but what a crock of shit.

I've tried to speak up, Nate has tried to speak up. Those have been my nice reminders but apparently my message hasn't gotten through. Here it is. The last one. YOU ARE HURTING ME.

Your worst day ever? Pathetic. Your worst nightmare? Try mine out. Try anyone's out. Did your house just get swept away by the ocean? Did you just lose everything you have? Did your husband die because I couldn't save him? Did you have to watch as your baby stopped breathing? I'm in pain. A constant, agonizing, crippling pain. Your nephew died, and your worst nightmare is losing your keys. Over-exaggeration or not, I can't do it anymore. You're hurting me, and I'm letting you. I've always been the type to burn bridges, and I'm not sure at what point I changed and lost myself while protecting others... but it's time I take care of myself. I don't even mind if I end up with 5 people left in my life- because at least I'll know who cares. Right now I'm not so sure.